


Dave's struggle

by Deathrrose



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bullying, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas Moirallegiance, M/M, Nudity, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trans Character, add more tags as I go, y'all are going to hate me when it gets to those
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-26 06:13:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2641091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deathrrose/pseuds/Deathrrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dave has a hard time at school a lot and is bullied all the time for being transgender by almost everyone besides Karkat. He keeps his other close friends online in the dark about everything that happens and the issues he faces everyday because he's too afraid that they might reject him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Felt like doing a Trans!Dave, JohnDave fic since there ins't enough of them.
> 
> Thank you to the awesome heirofbreath.tumblr.com for helping me edit any errors throughout the whole fic  
> (A lot of the things that happened in this story are actually true and come from my own life story)
> 
> Edit: Finally (after so long) was able to fix the summary a bit and also a few spelling errors!

You just got home from school and man did school suck. You honestly hate public school so much. You begged Bro to let you be homeschool. But he always said no and that you need to socialize since you never gave a real answer as to why you want to do home school other than that you hate people. Your name is Dave Strider and you honest to god fuck need to convince Bro to let you be homeschool, but that can wait till he’s in a good mood. Lately he’s had way too many smuppet requests from people and has been in his room making them for the past two days. You’ve only seen him come out for some food that you brought home and yelled at him to eat before he dies of starvation. Bro says you’re over exaggerating, but you know you’re not. He never eats much when he has a big order to fill and last time this happened he did almost pass out from not eating. Thankfully he learned his lesson, mostly that is. So now that you’re home you kick off your shoes in your room and throw your backpack to the side of your bed. Fishing out your phone from your front pocket, you plug it in and set it on your bedside table. Then fall over, face first onto your bed, grabbing the pillow and groan into it. You REALLY hate people at school. They can all die in a pit of lava for all you care. On the plus side you only have two months left of high school and then you’re out of that hell hole for good. After a while of moping around in your room and mixing music, a beeping sound from your computer alerts you that someone is trying to get a hold of you. You sigh and move to your computer and sit down in your chair to see who wants to talk to you.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] -–  
EB: dave!  
EB: earth to strider  
EB: come on dave answer me already  
EB: i have important news for you that you must know right now!!  
TG: shit ok ok im here  
TG: now whats this so important news that you have for me?  
TG: better be really important because i was in the middle of making the most baddasses mix ever  
TG: it would blow your mind if you heard it Egbert  
TG: blow your mind out of your head and into the stars  
TG: but it would just stay in the stars  
TG: no  
TG: it would go beyond the stars out of our universe  
TG: then it would come crashing back down back to your head  
EB: dave your mixes aren’t THAT great  
TG: wow rude john  
TG: that is offensive  
TG: that hurt me why would you hurt me?  
TG: thought we were best bros  
EB: we are.  
EB: now just shut up and listen.  
EB: okay so you know how we’ll both be done with school in a few months?  
EB:....  
EB: dave you can speak.  
TG: you told me to shut up  
EB: i didn’t mean it like that.  
TG: well you should of said so  
TG: but yes i do know  
TG: what about it?  
EB: well my dad’s going on a business trip all summer  
EB: and jane was going with him  
EB: so my dad doesn’t want me to be all alone all summer and was wondering if there was anywhere were i could stay for the summer.  
EB: like a friends  
EB: or a certain boyfriend  
EB: but i guess you wouldn’t want me over so i should go ask karkat.  
TG: whoa wait hold up  
TG: youre saying your dad will let you stay here  
TG: like here here  
TG: as in your boyfriends apartment here  
TG: were we could kiss  
TG: and have sex  
EB: yes dave as in staying at your apartment.  
EB: if your bro is okay with that though.  
TG: hold on let me go ask

You get up, leaving your room and go to Bro’s instead, without knocking since he never answers to that. You open his door and lean on the door frame, he’s working on those damn smuppet requests at his desk, hunched over a little didn’t even bother to put a shirt or his shades on today, he probably didn’t notice you came into the room.

“Yo, Bro”, no answer. So you move a bit closer and lean on the desk he’s working on.

“Bro, come on I know you can hear me. Just stop what you’re doing for like five minutes and listen” To your surprise Bro puts down the smuppet and the needle he was using and leans back in his chair and looks at you.

“This better be important.”

“It is”

“Then what is it?”

“John wants to know if he can stay here all summer.”

Bro raises a brow to this “Ain’t he your boyfriend? How the ‘ell will his dad let ‘im do this?”  
“His dad is going on a business trip. Also it was his dad’s idea anyhow. Plus we’re both eighteen so I think he trust us not to do anything stupid.”

“With that boy around. Y’all are going to do something stupid anyhow.”  
“So, is that a yes he can stay the summer?”

“Yeah, he can stay”

“Awesome, thanks bro.” And with that you leave his room, closing the door behind you and retreat back to yours and back to where you were sitting before you left.

TG: bro said you can come over for the summer  
EB: really???  
TG: no i said it just to be a true douchebag that i am  
TG: yes he really said you can come  
EB: awesome!! im so glad he said yes. i would have been so bored here over the summer.  
TG: if bro didnt of said yes  
TG: i would sneak out of the apartment  
TG: and take a plane to where you are to keep you company  
EB: aww! thanks dave  
EB: but where would you even get the money for that?  
TG: bros credit card  
TG: he has enough money that he wouldnt even notice  
EB: yeah that’s true.  
EB: oh fuck i forgot i have a paper due tomorrow.  
TG: damn dude better go off and do that  
TG: dont need to failing a class before you graduate  
TG: also dont need that since your dad might not let you come here for the summer  
EB: ugg yeah you’re right.  
EB: i’ll talk to you tomorrow!  
EB: cya dave.  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-

You lean back in your chair. Wincing a bit as you do so. Fuck you forgot to take the bandages wrapped around your chest off when you got home. Sighing you get up, taking your favorite record shirt off and start unwrapping the bandages in front of a mirror that hangs in your room by your computer, letting it all fall to the floor afterwards. You look into the mirror and frown at your reflation.

You hate how you look. You have for years and have tried to change that for the past two after figuring out that you aren’t in the right body. Your body screams that you’re a girl but your mind says otherwise. You bind your chest everyday so it’s more flat, but you do it unsafely, which hurts your sides and ribs in the end. You could buy a real binder online, but Bro would find out and you’re not ready to tell him since you’re not sure how he would react to it. No one close to you knows about you actually being a girl physically only people at school. Okay, one person does, that is close but he also goes to your school and that’s Karkat, since he is your best bro and in his case moirail.

Two years ago, your sophomore year of high school, you figured out that how you felt about yourself, how you look wasn’t some normal ‘I need to lose weight and put makeup on to cover up zits to look more pretty', like almost every other girl thinks. No, it was more like ‘I hate these curves on my sides and how these fucking bumps are on my chest look. My chest should be flat instead and long hair looks to fucking stupid’ You tried looking it more up online and found out you aren’t the only one that thought or felt like that. Then you found out your mind isn't in the right type of body. Realizing this made you think about it all and how it made you uncomfortable when everyone used female pronouns towards you. So at school you started making your voice deeper and having your teachers call you a guy and use the name ‘Dave’ instead same with anyone that talked to you turning school hours. But doing that didn’t agree with a lot of people. Other kids started calling you names as well. You just ignored the name calling at first, but soon after they noticed you were ignoring them and starting pushing you around and punching you like a rag doll. But they were smart, never punched you in the face or arms where people would see. No they would shove you against a wall and start making jabs at your ribs and kick at your legs. Sure you know how to fight back to a point, the people that physical hurt you are much stronger though, and also on the football team. So it’s a bit harder to fight back when, if a teacher found out no one would take your side. So you just gave up on the idea of even trying to fight back.

Maybe you should tell Bro about all this. Sighing, you put your favorite shirt back on and lay down in your bed. You’ll try talking to him tomorrow, hopefully he’ll be done with his orders by then. For now though you’ll get some sleep. It’s been a long day and you don’t feel like doing anything else. You close your eyes and start to drift off to sleep.

Few hours later your phone starts beeping at you. Telling you that you have a text from persturchum.

“Uggg, who the fuck is trying to contact me right now. I was trying to sleep” Sitting up, you pick up your phone from your bedside table and see who’s trying to talk to you

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]-–

CG: DAVE  
CG: HEY ASSWIPE ANSWER ME  
CG: I KNOW YOU’RE UP  
CG: YOU USUALY ARE AT THIS TIME  
TG: well vantas  
TG: i actually wasn’t this time  
TG: i was sleeping like a baby till you starting messaging me  
CG: OH THEN WELL GOOD YOU’RE UP NOW  
CG: WE NEED TO TALK  
TG: about what exactly?  
CG: ABOUT HOW YOU SKIPED ONE OF YOUR CLASSES TODAY

Fuck, you forgot to tell him why you didn’t show up for six period. After fifth period you told the teacher you ‘felt sick’ and wanted to go the nurse and then ‘checked’ yourself out of school for the rest of the day since you are eighteen, you can leave when you want saying you’re sick.

TG: didn’t skip  
TG: left to the nurse sick  
CG: WELL THAT IS A LOAD OF BULL FUCKING SHIT  
CG: TELL ME WHY YOU REALLY SKIPPED CLASS  
CG: AND DON’T GIVE ME SOME CROTCHSTAINED REPULSIVE SHITSTENCH ANSWER  
TG: ok ok  
TG: calm your tits ill tell you  
TG: just didn’t feel like going to class dude  
TG: didn’t do my hw too  
CG: WELL THAT IS A LITTLE BIT BETTER OF AN ANSWER  
CG: BUT THE REAL REASON WHY YOU DIDN’T WANT TO GO TO CLASS WAS BECAUSE OF THE QUARTER BACK ISN’T IT?  
TG: ....  
CG: YEP, I WAS RIGHT  
CG: DAVE YOU SERIOSLY NEED TO TELL A DAMN TEACHER  
CG: OR YOU KNOW YOUR FUCKING BRO  
CG: HE COULD ACTUALLY HELP IF YOU TOLD HIM  
TG: i told you before  
TG: i dont want to tell him yet  
TG: maybe i will tomorrow  
TG: i dont know yet  
CG: JUST DO IT DAVE. YOU KNOW I WON’T STOP TELLING YOU TO FUCKING DO IT TILL YOU DO  
TG: yeah yeah i know that  
TG: ill think about it okay?  
CG: FINE FAIR ENOUGH  
CG: GUESS I SHOULD LEAVE YOUR MARRY WAY AND LET YOU SLEEP MORE  
CG: I’LL SEE YOU AT SCHOOL TOMORROW  
TG: yeah okay night dude  
TG: see you tomorrow  
\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-

You put your phone back where it once was before and lay back down in your bed. You only have a few hours before you have to get ready for school so you better get some sleep now. Tomorrows going to be a long day and you think you might actually tell Bro everything. Sighing, you turn to your side and reach over to grab your body pillow and wrap yourself around it so you’re cuddling the pillow. In just a few minutes you fall into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any questions or suggestions about the fic? Message me at smuppetparade.tumblr.com


	2. School bully

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Bulling, some triggering curse words (to some), someone gets hurt kinda bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it takes me so long to come up with these chapters! This story won't die I promise!

You wake up the next morning to smuppets being dumped on you.

“Wake up sleeping beauty. You’ll be late for school”

“Fuck! Bro!” You sit up quickly and glare at your bro. He’s just standing there with an empty laundry bin and a smirk on his face.

“There are better fuckin’ ways to wake me up you know? Like, I don’t know, maybe just calling my name or shaking me a bit. Not dump a thing of your fucking smuppets on me!”

“Nah, more fun this way. Now hurry up and get ready for school.” He turns away and walks to your door, but before going out of your room he looks back to you, “Oh, also I’m driving you to school this time. So you got like ten minutes” He then leaves your room, closing the door behind him.

“Fuckin’ hell.” You quickly get out of the pile of smuppets on your bed and move to your dresser to pull out a pair of boxers, batman shirt, and some ripped up jeans. Then set them down onto of your bed. You take off your shirt and go over to where you dropped the bandages and pick them up then start wrapping up your chest with them. After you’re done with that, you finish getting dressed and put your red converse on.

You un-plug your phone, putting it in your front pocket then leave your room and into the kitchen to grab an apple to eat.

“Grab your backpack. We’re leavin’.”

“Wait what? I still have three minutes though.”

“Not anymore. You can eat that in the car. Now c’mon lets go.”

You sigh loudly, and take a bite into the apple and pick up your bag by the door. Bro has the front door open for you already.

“Lady’s first” You role your eyes behind your shades, leave out the door and down the stairs. 

While you wait for Bro to come down, you pull out your phone and send John a quick ‘good morning good looking’ text. He should be waking up right about now for school. You pocket your phone and open the front door of the apartment complex for your Bro as he approaches you.

“Princesses first.” You get a light smack over the head and most likely an eye roll. Bro walks past you and towards his car, and so do you. Hopping into the passenger seat of the car you start finishing your apple and buckle in.

“So, you mind telling me why you’re taking me to school today? You never do.” You look to him as he starts the car.

“Thought I’d be nice to ya today.” You just shrug in response and finish your apple as Bro drives you to school.

Once there, you can already see Karkat waiting for you at the stairs in front of the school. He usually gets here early since he’s not too big on staying at home ever since his “Uncle” moved in with him and his lusi. Which is little ironic since he used to love his uncle to death till some things happened and his uncle joined a gang. And now he kills for money, but hey, not judging. Okay, not really. His uncle is just a big violent drunk and it’s not fun to be around him at all. They only let him stay there since he has nowhere else to go and has yet to hurt Karkat in a while.

Bro stops the car and unlocks the doors. “Alrigh’, scram kid and get to your boyfriend that’s waiting for you” He points towards Karkat by the stairs.

“Whatever. See ya.” You roll your eyes, grabbing your bag and sling it on one of your shoulders and get out of the car. Bro then takes off to who knows where and you go over to your best friend.

“Wow, you’re actually here early. Fucking amazing that you got those stick for legs to get you out of bed and ready in time for once.”

“Nice to see you too, Karkat. And my legs aren’t that skinny, so screw you.”

“Yeah, yeah, enough with the greetings we should get inside before they spot us.” He shifts his eyes to the group that always picks on you off in the distance.

“Ugh, yeah okay.” The two of you go inside and go to your lockers. Which, to your happiness, are right next to each other after talking to the person in charge of giving locker numbers out. Or in Karkat’s case, yelling and being very persuasive. You open up your locker and take out your English and History books for first and second period.

“So why did you get to school early? And of all things why did your Bro drive you here? He never does.” Karkat leans on his locker next you. You guess he already has all of his books in his backpack since he didn’t open his locker for them and the two of you share four out of six classes together.

You close your locker after putting your books in your bag. “Well, there’s two options. Option one is he plans to get laid later today and is trying to be nice right now to make up for any loud sounds later. Option two is that he had this nagging feeling he did something wrong and wants to make up for it. And ten bucks says he’s going to grab hamburgers before he picks me up later as well.”

“Maybe it’s a little of both?”

“Or yeah it’s props little of both. But whatever I get food after sch-”

“Hey there Ms.Strider.” A hand slams behind your head onto the lockers. Fuck. You close your eyes for a second from the unexpected noise and person behind you.

“What the fuck do you want Bryon? Don’t you have a matsprite to make out with?” Karkat speaks before you could say anything to the guy that just loves to pick on you the most in the school. Bryon is the school bully. He may not look it with his DC shirts and not being the strongest guy in the school but most people are scared of him anyhow though since he knows how to push people’s buttons.

“Pff did that before I came to say hi to the princess here” he places the hand that slammed onto the locker down to your shoulder, griping you a little hard.  You turn around sharply, pulling away from his hand and stand next to Karkat.

“It would be prince, but I’m more of a knight then anything though.”

“Knight of what, tranny town?”

“If I’m the knight, then you’re the queen of that town”

Bryon glares at you, you just give him a smirk in return. “You’re going to pay for that comment later Strider.”

“Pay in what? Because I don’t really want to go picking flowers to make a crown for the queen.”

The bully "tsks" at you and walks away without any more to say. You let out a sigh and lean against the lockers.

Karkat places a reassuring hand on your shoulder “One day we’ll actually get that skunk head of a jackass back for everything. Or I’ll just tick off one of the highbloods in Bryon’s name and they’ll do the work for us.”

“Heh, yeah maybe, but till then I gotta deal with his shit.” Karkat uses his hand on your shoulder to give you a light pat and then he goes off to his own class for first period.

The day goes by pretty quickly and you’re now waiting for your best friend behind the school under a big tree, since Bro won’t be here to get you for another hour. No one ever comes back here after school, so it’s nice and quiet. You’re sitting under the tree with your headphones on listening to some music your Bro has made and drawing up some ideas for your next Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff update. You’ve gotten so focused on drawing that you didn’t see the one asshole you didn’t expect to be back here, Bryon. Before you can react Bryon has his hands on your shirt collar and is roughly pulling you up and against the tree trunk and knocking your headphones off.

“Shit.”

“So where’s your lil’ friend huh, princess?”

“Props on his way right now, so you might wanna put me down before he gets here.”

“Hm, not yet. I did tell you I’d get you back for earlier now didn’t I? Now seems like a great time to do that.”

Shit you’re not ready for this. Usually Karkat is here by now before anything like this could happen and you’ve been good at avoiding it to get this far. But now you’re pined and can’t do much at all right now. You grab at the bully’s wrist to try and loosen his grip a bit. You then knee him in the crotch and he buckles his knees and you try to move away but his hands don’t budge.

“Tsk, sorry love, but doing that doesn’t have much effect anymore.”  Bryon lets one of his hands go on your shirt, but to only be brought back and then straight into your jaw. Your head is knocked to the side and he uses the leverage he has on you to pull you away from the tree then slams you back against it. You try to move away again, but he’s holding you up to the point where your feet can’t touch the ground. Bryon throws punches at your side and stomach a few times and all you can do is close your eyes tightly in pain and take it all. The next moment he releases you and you crash to the floor and curl up on yourself. He kicks at you a few times before you hear a very loud voice telling him to “back off” and to “go away”. When you open your eyes to see who, you see your best friend running towards you and punching Bryon on the way.

“Gog fucking shittits! Are you okay? Wait no don’t answer that of course you’re not okay, stupid question.” Karkat wraps his arms around you and brings you into a hug and starts to rub at your back lightly. “God damnit if only I didn’t stop to talk with the teacher about my grade this wouldn’t have fucking happened. I am going to kill that worthless piece of hoofbeast shit. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here sooner, it’s all my fault.” You can hear the hint of sadness in Karkat’s voice and you reach a hand up to pat his cheek.

“Shh it’s not. Don’t beat yourself over it I’m fine. Watch.” You try to get up, but halfway doing so you fall back down. It hurts everywhere on your body. You can’t even move your neck without it shooting raging pain. “I..okay maybe not, but I will be okay. Just help me up?”

Karkat nods but before helping he gets your art book and shoves it into your bag and slings your bag onto his left shoulder. He then wraps one of your arms behind his neck and wraps his arm around your torso. He counts to three before standing up. You grit your teeth as you get up because, wow, everything seriously hurts.

 “You okay?” asks Karkat.

You just nod and Karkat slowly walks you to the front of the school where your Bro is already waiting for you. Crap how are you going to explain this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any questions or suggestions about the fic? Message me at smuppetparade.tumblr.com


	3. Coming out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: self-harm/ negative thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeey guys real sorry for spacin' out postin' chapters like this.  
> Also Happy National comin' out day! (even though I'm a day late woops) figured now's a good time then any to post a new chapter plus my editor just finished the other night!

The moment Bro sees you, you've got an arm around Karkat’s shoulder, limping a bit as you walk to his car. Bro gets out of the car quickly and flash steps right in front of you. Karkat steps back just a bit from the sudden movement and so do you. Bro notices your small move, raising a brow that you can just barely see behind his shades.

“What the fuckin’ hell happed?”

“Nothing, just fell down some stairs. It’s nothing don’t worry about it. Damn stairs came out of nowhere, thinking they’re all cool, letting me fall.”

“That’s a load of bullshit coming outta your mouth there.” Bro turns away from you and your best friend. “Get in the car and you’ll explain what happened at home.”

You huff in response. Bro starts walking back to his car and Karkat helps you. Your best bro opens the passenger door, helps you in, and then passes your bag to you.

“I’ll text you later to see how you’re doing.”

You nod and close the door. Bro drives off and the two of you don’t say a word to each other the way back. He helps you up to the apartment. Once you’re settled on the couch, Bro leaves to get the first aid kit. While you wait for him to get back, you lie down across the couch and throw your arms over your face, letting out a long sigh. You do not want to have any sort of talk about what happened today. And you sure as fuck did not want to tell Bro about your problem this way.

You hear foot steps as Bro comes back and feel a dip in the couch as he sits. “Sit up.” You do as told and slowly sit back up. “Where did you get hit the most?”

You don’t respond to him. He sighs as he rubs a cotton ball with alcohol on a cut, that you apparently have on your cheek. You wince just a bit at the pain of the liquid going into the cut. “C’mon, tell me where you got hit the most. 'Cause I know this ain’t the only place you got hurt since you were limping.”

You turn away from Bro, not responding once again. Your brother wipes away leftover liquid and places a small band aid on your cheek. You would rather just have him patch you up and head back to your room and not tell him what happened, or why. You’re afraid of what he’ll do if he found out. Would he accept you or not? Would he still let you stay here if he found out?

The two of you would probably end up fighting and yelling at each other. Bro might get mad at you for not saying anything to start with. Hell, Bro’s most likely mad at you now for not talkin' to him.

“Dawn.”

You cringe at the name. You hate that name, sure it’s great for other people, but not for you. But Bro never calls you by that name unless he’s mad at you. Shit, you knew not talking would piss him off, but you’re not ready to have this talk yet. You’re not even sure what to say. Would you just tell him, ‘yeah I got into a fight, well not really a fight, more like some guy pinned me to a tree and started punching me for being a tranny, nothing special. And oh ya, I rather be called Dave from now on.’ You clench your fist, wishing it was that easy to do. You then look at Bro.

“Like I fucking said, I fell down some stairs nothin’ more.” You grint your teeth and stand up, heading to your room without another word, closing the door behind you and locking it just in case Bro tries to follow. Quickly, you take off your shirt and un-do the bandages around your chest before laying down in your bed. You feel guilty for not telling your own brother what’s going on, but you’re also terrified as to what might happen if you tell him the truth. Sure, things could get better if you tell him, but deep inside you are way too worried of the consequences. Reading up on other people who are in the same boat as you, got kicked out and yelled and for being different from their own parents, does not help you one bit. So, instead you just keep this information to yourself, live with everything and try to endure it all…Although, lately you’re not sure if you want to keep this up. Keep being misgendered, getting called hateful words and getting beat up at school. None of it is really worth trying for anymore. It's better to just give up, right? Then you could be happy, not hearing any of this bullshit and maybe actually accept you.

You get up, head over to your dresser, dig for your pocket knife and sit back down on your bed. You have a bunch of scars now, so what’s just a few more to add to the collection? Flicking the blade up and pressing the blade into your left side, you bite your tongue as you put bit more pressure. You move the blade inwards towards your stomach, but stop once it’s a few inches long. It isn’t enough though, cutting your side doesn’t feel like enough anymore to punish your body for turning out this way. As you lay back, you let out a deep sigh. You place the knife to your breast and start cutting "x"’s into them. You hate them, and want them gone, you want it all gone. This body is your own cage, walking in hell, but on the earth surface. You don’t understand why society has a mindset that people can only be the gender they are born as and not respect those that want to be different than what they were born with. Living in Texas does not help at all and you feel lonely here, even when you have friends. None of them understand what you go through, they don’t get the pain you go through every day. Having to see yourself every day in a body that is not your own is hard enough and puts a strain on you. You stop cutting at yourself, and drop the knife to the floor. Throwing your arms over your face, you start crying.

You hate all this, you hate your emotions. Usually you can keep them locked behind closed door, chained up so no one, not even yourself can see them. But the room has gotten over flooded with feelings you can’t keep in anymore and you just start sobbing into your arms. After a bit you feel your phone buzzing in your pants pocket. You wipe away any left over tears and get your phone out, to see you have two people trying to message you.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] ––  
EB: hey dave you around??  
EB: earth to dave, you on this planet?  
TG: idk am i?  
TG: maybe im in never neverland  
TG: or could be on mars since heard they got water now  
TG: could be good shit right there  
EB: haha very funny.  
EB: come on, let’s be serious right now.  
EB: karkat told me you got into a fight.  
EB: are you okay???  
TG: way to go vantas makin’ my boyfriend worry over me  
TG: yeah im ok nothin’ to worry over okay?  
EB: do you want to talk about what happened?  
TG: not really, no  
TG: not much to say on it  
TG: i got into a fight with someone  
TG: well more i was pinned to a tree and beat and couldnt fight back but whatever im okay so dont worry over me  
EB: dave!! im going to worry over you!  
EB: you’re my boyfriend so i will worry over you as much as i want to  
EB: but are you really okay?  
EB: did you clean any cuts you got?  
EB: you don’t have any broken bones do you??

Fuck, you need to clean the new cuts on your chest before they get infected. You wince, sitting back up and leaning over to your night stand where you keep extra rubbing alcohol and bandages. Guess this would be a good time to see who else was trying to talk to you.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]–-  
CG: JUST HERE TO SEE HOW YOU’RE DOING, BUT ALSO TO TELL YOU THAT I HOPE YOU KNOW I TOLD JOHN A BIT OF WHAT HAPPENED.  
CG: SINCE I KNOW YOU WON’T OUT RIGHT TELL HIM TILL MONTHS LATER.  
CG: BUT HE HAS THE RIGHT TO FUCKING KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU TODAY.  
CG: ANYWAY, I HAVE A SHIT TON OF HOMEWORK TO DO SO, I’LL JUST SEE HOW YOU’RE DOING AT SCHOOL.  
\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-

Karkat has good intentions, and he is right about the fact that you wouldn’t of told John about the fight till later. But he should of at least asked you before hand if it was okay. You sigh and just go back to talking to John.

EB: daaaaavvvvve.  
TG: im here im here sorry  
TG: yes im sure i am fine  
TG: and yes i cleaned any that i had  
TG: and no i dont have any broken bones  
EB: ok ok that’s good.  
EB: but im here if you do want to tell me what exactly happened.  
EB: you should at least tell your brother if anything.  
TG: yes mother  
EB: dave serious!  
TG: right sorry…ill tell you what happened soon  
TG: just not now okay?  
TG: lets just move onto a dif topic  
TG: anythin’ new in the egbert life?

The two of you continued to talk for hours, until John had to leave to finish up homework, since you were keeping him from doing it this whole time. You feel bad for making him worry and hope to tell him soon about everything that’s going on. Your stomach starts to growl at you for food. Sighing, you get up, put on a baggy sweater and unlock your door and go out to the kitchen. You just grab some leftover cold pizza and a soda. On the way back to your room, eating the pizza, you hear Bro call you, but ignore it till he yells again.

“Dave, come here.” You swore you heard him call you Dave just now, but pay no mind to it and just take it as your mind playing tricks on you. You go into the living room, sitting down on the futon finishing up your pizza, not saying a word yet.

“Tell me what really happened today.”

“I already did. I fell down some stairs.”

“Fallin’ down some stairs ain’t gon’ give wounds like that.” He gestures to your arm and cheek. “Now either tell me what honestly happened, or I take your phone away.”

Bro lost his accent in the last bit, meaning he’s trying to be serious right now, crap.

You sit there for a few minutes, trying to figure out how to tell him everything before replying to him, “…Got beat up, no big deal really.”

“That’s a huge fucking deal. Why did they beat you?"

“Talkin’ back to him.”

“Go into more detail.”

You grip at your pants. You want to leave back to your room, but you know if you do, Bro will just get more mad at you.

“Fine. I talked back to this guy named Bryon because he called me ‘prince of tranny town’ but I told him I’d be more of a knight and he’d be the damn queen.”

“What reason did you give the kid to call you that?”

“Because I dress up like a guy everyday and go around telling people I am and tell them my name is Dave.”

“And why do you do that?”

“Because…I am a guy. I always have been. I was just put into the wrong body, but no one understands that and think it’s weird, so in turn I get hit for it at school for being different.”

Tears starting slowly coming down your cheeks and you wipe them away quickly.

“Dave.” Bro calls you by the name you actually want, and that just makes the tears come down more and he leans over to wrap his arms around you, bringing you into a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any questions or suggestions about the fic? Message me at smuppetparade.tumblr.com


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